We’re at home most of the time now. The messy spots are multiplying and I may care later but not right now.
So many reading options before me, but I feel stalled. I feel held up by the need to stay connected which is now happening through screens upon screens. (Adding held up :: upheld)
Of necessity I need to be more inventive in thinking about what my mini lessons can look like. This results in what I would call “creative hot flashes” which wake me up early and demand to be written down, lest they disappear like smoke.
I do not love watching or hearing myself on video but I think many of my students do. Their responses, which in some cases fall in the range of performance art, tell me that I need to keep showing up as myself.
Every day I do something or even several things that are physical. I walk, jog, lift, stretch, or dance. I need these things but I am also tired of feeling like I have to.
Mr. 12 and I had a conversation about feedback. He hates it because he has an ego, he admitted. I said, I get it. I explained why I was reading an editor’s comment on something I had written now in the morning rather than before going to bed last night: Rested I can be more open to feedback. Neither of us takes well to being judged negatively. We’re two of a kind in that.
Even if I crave a particular kind of conversation, the thought of making the first move, scheduling the time, drains me before I begin.
The weekend and I have entered into a new kind of friendship.