Well, the decision has fallen. It was to be expected, so my disappointment is not huge, just present. Along with a few colleagues I was scheduled to attend an education conference in Helsinki. I was looking forward to offering two workshops which now will not take place. It’s no longer a given that the conference will be able proceed as planned.
When matters are beyond our control, how do we respond?
On the one hand, there is a kind of relief: the decision was not mine to make. I can accept what is because a different response doesn’t serve anyone really.
On the other hand, there’s the final let down, the sense that the previous effort will not be able to come to fruition.
Earlier in the year, I noted a degree of exhaustion connected to so much outward facing communication. Having this final engagement cancelled feels like one more sign telling me that easing up may be what’s needed. “Stay in, collect yourself, consolidate your resources” sounds like the message.
I’ll go cancel my hotel booking and flights. For now the school will compensate me for those. In all of this I have to recognize my ridiculous level of privilege. I will have other opportunities, other conferences, other workshops.
This is my turn to stay put, hold down the fort, wait and see.