If I told you how tired I really am, you might blanche.
If I told you how much doubt I bury in each shred of correspondence, you might raise your eyebrows.
If I told you the full measure of my concern about the future my kids will face, you might pass out.
If I told you where my anger resides and when it erupts like a volcano, you might never ask me another thing.
If I told you all the things I cannot dare to tell myself, we both might be washed away in a tidal wave of shock and disbelief.
We might not survive hearing all the truth at one time, in one sitting, in one go.
That must be why we don’t do this.
Why I haven’t told you yet.
Why I will likely never tell.
Instead, I keep quiet and my counsel. I can see that we are not fit for the weather of my deep realities.
I want to say something, do something to calm”the weather of my deep realities”. I know I can’t, but today, I can work with my students, knowing some of them might be feeling the same way, and do better for them.
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Thank you for your empathy.
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A powerful way to show how deep your feelings run. You are allowed to feel what you feel. You use what needed to manage your emotions. I hope you find a way to solve issues.
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Thank you, Terje. I felt better after writing, relief at having let it out. Strong reminder that I’m human, too.
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I wish you lived closer so that you could talk about this piece and all that is behind it. I have so many questions, and I don’t think I would blanche, or pass out, or be washed away, or not survive. Okay, maybe I would blanche. I would like to learn from you.
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Thank you, Melanie, for your willingness to be present and listen. That means a lot already.
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A strong reminder that teachers are human, too. I hope you are able to unearth these truths with someone at some point, to relieve yourself of that burden. The facade of the perky, positive educator needs to be replaced with the hardworking, obstacle-hurdling, sometimes worn-out, real-people image I see on a daily basis.
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